Alright, I know I’m not usually this outspoken about my feelings, but Oscar Pistorius is a waste of oxygen. He was what the world needed most; a legend. Someone who could overcome the odds, and rise to greatness not in spite of his obstacles, but because of them. Now, it seems, that the champ has murdered his wife. Not just a wife, a model wife (literally, she’s a fucking model…or, was). From what I gather, it played out like this. They were sleeping. He walked outside without his prosthetics to get a fan from the balcony, came back inside, heard someone in the bathroom, and began blasting holes through the door. His defense is that he thought he heard a burglar. Really? Let me recap: You go outside to get a fan, leaving your smoking hot wife in the bed. When you came back inside, you heard something in the bathroom, and rather than assume she had to be in there, you go all fucking Yosemite Sam, and start blasting away?

What if it was a burglar and he had her in there? You still killed her. Where did you suppose your wife was when you came back inside? Did you think the burglar was David Copperfield, and he made her disappear, so he could steal her panties? What the fuck is wrong with you? That was somebody’s daughter. Someone you don’t give a shit about spent their entire life making sure that their little girl was okay. Making sure that she didn’t get hurt. Making sure she was warm enough, or cool enough. Making sure that she knew everything would always be okay, as long as she kept her little head up. Everything was, until you murdered her you worthless piece of shit.

You are a liar, Oscar. A bad one. It’s a damn good thing you run better than you lie. The only good news in this situation is that in prison, you’ll be just the right height without your legs to be a popular guy. I need to find out how to become a juror in this ridiculous attempt at a murder case. To make shit worse, even the cops where he lives are criminals!   The one guy that was leading the investigation had to step down because he has a trial coming up for taking part in a stand there shooting. It’s like a drive by, but you just stand there, and let them drive by you while you shoot the fuck out of them. I guess it’s kinda like Duck Hunt. As long as the courts in wherever the hell this thing is taking place doesn’t pull anymore stunts like letting it slip that Pistorius and the Judge are having an affair, or something O.J. Simpson-esque, this should be a slam dunk. I hope he doesn’t get the death penalty, but life in prison once for being an idiot, once for being a horrible liar, once for shooting through doors and shouting “Come out of there, you long-eared galloot, or I’ma blastin’ ya out!” , once for purposeful destruction of a hottie, and once for being a piece of shit. That’s five life sentences. For a man in prison that is waist level in the shower room, that’ll be just fine.