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Getting Married

Hello! I am 36 years old and have an 8 year old daughter. I am getting
married in less than 2 weeks to a guy that I’ve been dating a little over a
year. A first, my parents gave us their blessing. A few months later, they
got upset with me because we had bought both of our daughters twin beds and
set them up in the house we will be sharing after we are married. They
decided to “fix it” by buying both girls a bedroom suite with full sized
beds. This was done without asking. It caused my fiancée and I to break up
for a short time. When we talked things out & decided to move on with our plans, my parents decided that they don’t approve of the marriage and wouldn’t support it in any way.  My mom has told me everything from what a bad mom I am being to telling me that I don’t love him – I just want someone between my legs. She digs every chance she gets and tells me that
she doesn’t think the marriage will last 2 years. She has deemed him
“controlling” and feels that he will keep my daughter and I from visiting.
They are not coming to the wedding and this is very hurtful. So here I am
two weeks before what is supposed to be a happy occasion. I’m confused and
hurt and really don’t know what to do. Should I give in to my parents and
call off the wedding? If I do this, I’m losing a guy that I see as my best
friend. If I marry him, I’m going to be giving up my family.

Thanks for your time

**I don’t mind if you use my first name.

Sent from my iPad

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3 Comments

  1. Joe Smith says:

    Hi Dennise,
    Wow, that’s a situation. Based on what you’ve told us, it seems that your parents are having a hell of a hard time with letting go. You didn’t really give any examples in your e-mail of why they think he’s controlling you. However, what you did tell was that after you had bought beds for your kids, they decided to try to take control of the situation and buy whatever the fuck they felt like for YOUR children. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they mean well, and want nothing but the best for you and your kids, but they ARE YOUR KIDS. A lot of times grandparents have a hard time figuring out when to back off, and let the parents make their own decisions. After that, your mom basically called you a whore, and once again tried to control the situation by retracting support of your marriage, and attempted to further undermine your confidence with that comment about it not lasting more than 2 years. My advice: Fuck them. The guy you are marrying, you are with for a reason. You chose him. Your parents have to let go, and they don’t want to. My guess is that you’re probably either the only child, or the baby of the family. Am I right?

    Here’s what to do to straighten this shit out: Tell your parents that you are planning to move ahead with your plans to get married. If you still want them to come, tell them. If not, move on without them. She did insinuate that you are a whore. Make it contingent on them being able to quit with the bullshit, and let you make your own decisions. You’re old enough now to be the fucking president of the United States. If you’re old enough to decide whether or not to destroy North Korea with nukes, surely you’re old enough to make this decision. If they say they won’t support it, then tell them you hate that for them, but you’re moving on. I would also remind them that their behavior also dictates whether or not YOU will allow your kid to see them. If they bash you and your husband to your daughter it isn’t going to work. Be honest, but firm. Whatever you decide, stick to your guns. When they figure out that they are going to lose everything, I have a feeling they’ll get it together.

    Good luck and congratulations to you and your husband! This is a wonderful time of life for you. Don’t let someone else rain on your wedding day. Even if they do, remember the Jamaicans believe rain on the day of your wedding is a sign of longevity anyway! Either way you win! If you don’t mind, let us know what happens! 🙂

    • Dennise says:

      Thank you so much for your reply and advice! I did go through with the wedding this past weekend! It rained that morning, stopped long enough for us to get married outside, and then rained again! We are all slowly adjusting to each other and I have to say even the adjusting part is fun!

      My parents did not come to the wedding and haven’t spoken to me in 2-3 weeks. I miss them, but I feel that this is the right move for my life and for my daughter’s life.

      I guess to sum it all up, I finally (for once in my life) did what makes me happy instead of what makes someone else happy. I’ve only been married a few days, but am enjoying this life and all the things that come with it. Thanks again for your reply!

      • Joe Smith says:

        Denise! I’m sorry it’s taken forever to get back! I’m thrilled to hear you went through with it after all! I stand by my advice. Your parents have to learn those boundaries. I’m certain that you and your husband are going to be glad you moved forward on this as a family. Best of luck, and please stay in touch!

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