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1 Plus 1 Equals Sex

Hey Joe! This advice column is the shit! Anyway look man, I have a problem. I was wondering if you or the Joe’s Geniuses could help.

A couple years ago, my wife convinced me to go back to school (college). I decided to take up welding, because my dad owns a garage and he’s always needing something welded on, or cut off. I’ve taken all of my classes with the exception of college trigonometry. I fucking suck at math, so I’m not sure how I’m going to get through college trig. Here’s the problem. I can’t graduate until I pass trig. My wife has said I’m not getting anymore sex till I pass my first test. Can you or the geniuses tell me a way to convince her that this is cruel? Is there any medical problems you can think of to help me make my case? PLEASE HELP!

Thanks man!

P.s.

She also said if I get an A, she’ll have sex whenever I want till the next test. How’s that not fucked up? She knows I suck at math.

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1 Comment

  1. Joe Smith says:

    Hi Wayne! I’m sorry it took so long to get you posted. My emails for the advice column weren’t getting delivered to my phone as they should’ve. Anyway congrats on going back to school! That’s a good step to take in the right direction. As far as your wife, it doesn’t sound as fucked up to me as it does like she’s trying to appeal to your senses. Men are sex-driven animals. Everyone knows that. she sounds like she’s just trying to give you a little more motivation to get shit done. I don’t agree with her withholding sex until you pass a class she knows you’re going to struggle with. She could’ve just made the deal that if you get an A you could have sex whenever you want. Withholding sex is wrong, and I feel like it damages relationships more than women ever know. I think its difficult for them to understand the “always on” of being a male.
    Here’s the solution: I’m not going to help you appeal to her sense of reason, because I feel like she’s being sincere in her attempt to help you. There are very few medical issues that can arise from men not having sex, although many benefits for both people if they do have sex. Oddly enough, semen has a ton of beneficial effects on women. The hormones in it will give them a natural boost of energy, the protein compounds are great for their hair and nails, and it also helps prevent depression. Who could possibly be depressed if they are having sex (as long as it’s good)? Here’s some advice:
    1.My Skype name is capt.awesome.19, contact me on there, and I will help you with your homework, and test reviews. Yours truly finished with a 102 in college trig. I can help this stuff make a little more sense.
    2. Tell your wife to get ready for sex.
    3. Thank your wonderful wife for being so supportive. A lot of them couldn’t care less.
    4. The only request I have from this is that if any kids are created because of my assistance, boy or girl, you make one of their names Pirinni. Don’t ask, I’m not telling.

    I’ll talk to you soon!

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