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My problem with Disney

The other night at work, out of the blue, I caught myself singing “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid. I have no idea why, but that’s what it was. Then I started analyzing the storyline because when you’re a straight guy and you catch yourself singing music from cartoons, that’s what you do.  I realized that I have more than a few problems with Disney movies. Let’s consider “The Little Mermaid” for example. I won’t bore you with telling you the story. If you’re not familiar, you have no frame of reference anyway. Here’s my problem: Ariel supposedly is this great singer. She’s the star of the show. Let’s compare her with a real world performer: let’s use Pavarotti. I think that’s reasonable. Ariel was performing for a king, and so has he. She is the star of the show, so is he. She would be a tremendous loss to the world of music, so would he. Now, let’s do the swap. The movie kicks off with a grand scale musical for the the king. We don’t have a king, but we have a queen. So, we’ll say Pavarotti has spent possibly months in rehearsals in preparation of performing for Queen Elizabeth. The big day arrives, the stage crew has set up the lights, the sound guys have optimized everything for the best possible experience, and the backup singers are dressed and set to go. The curtain comes up. The music starts, the song is near the halfway mark and guess what? Pavarotti’s shot to perform in front of the Queen, and the nation are thrown away. Why? Because he ” forgot” the most important performance of his career? I call bullshit. Ariel never wanted to be a singer. If she did, why would she ever even consider giving up her voice on the off chance of getting a date with a guy? No-one would ever give up a natural ability that they had honed to perfection over the course of a lifetime for just a chance of a date. What is Disney trying to teach kids anyway? Disobediance pays off in the end, if you want it to bad enough? I think so. It worked out ok for Simba on the lion king when he went to the elephant graveyard. Mufasa told him not to, everything worked out ok. Pinocchio was told to go to school, he skipped, hung out with a bunch of thugs, even had a little trip on LSD and hallucinated some serious craziness, and was still ok in the end. Imagine being Princess Jasmine’s dad. She hooked up with some nastys homeless dude. I guess it’s a matter of time before she ends up on the treacherous road that led  Snow White to living in the woods with seven guys that look like they could be on Duck Dynasty…poor girl.


1 Comment

  1. Mooselicker says:

    That’s why they’re still cartoons and haven’t turned into real people. Real people for the win!

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